President Joe Biden

What if we woke up tomorrow morning to hear that Obama no longer wants to be president?  Since he is so good at reading off a teleprompter, he has decided to pursue his acting career and is off to Hollywood to make a movie with Michael Moore.  He packs up the wife and kids and turns the keys of the Whitehouse over to Biden.

Upon hearing the news Biden drops a few F**** bombs, runs out for more hair implants and settles in behind the desk in the Oval Office.  Robert Gibbs stops in to congratulate him and as he walks thru the doors he greets Biden.  “Good morning Mr. President.” Hearing him, Biden jumps to his feet, looks around and asks “where is he?” referring to Obama.  “No, no, sir, you are now the President” replies Gibbs.  “Of course I am” Biden says. “My memory is not as good as it used to be.”

“So what do we do today?” asks Biden.  Gibbs replies, “Today we will schedule a news conference.” Biden’s eyes widen, and he cracks a big smile, “I always wanted to do one of those, but I’m a little nervous, so let’s stop for a Brewsky on the way.”

Gibbs asks Biden, “Should we tell Pelosi that she’s next in line if something should happen to you?” Biden gets a serious look on his face for the first time and replies, “No Bob, not yet.  I had a hard enough time watching her jump up and down during the State of the Union.” Biden then stops and asks, “Is she still alive? Bless her soul.”

At the press conference with everyone buzzing about the news, Biden takes to podium, clears his throat and yells,  “Sh*t, can you guys believe this sh*t?” He smiles then continues,  "Hillary Clinton is as qualified or more qualified than I am to be president of the United States of America. Quite frankly, it might have been a better pick than me."   The room fills with applause.

The first question comes from a CNN reporter, “Now that you are President, what will you do about Iran?”  Biden smiles and says, “You can just call me Joe, and I just don’t have enough information about Iran to answer that question yet, can we move on?”

The second question comes from MSNBC, “Mr. President, will you be updated the Whitehouse web site, and continue with a transparent presidency?”  Biden looks confused then says, "You know, I'm embarrassed. Do you know the Web site number? I should have it in front of me and I don't. I'm actually embarrassed."

 Fox news asks, “President Biden, do you agree with Senator McCain’s economic plan ?”  Biden looks down at the notes on his hand and says, “Look, John's last-minute economic plan does nothing to tackle the number-one job facing the middle class, and it happens to be, as Barack says, a three-letter word: jobs. J-O-B-S, jobs." He then continued, “We are going to work at creating jobs, real jobs, not like the Dunkin Donut or the 7-11’s  where you have to have a slight India accent to go into one…I’m not joking”

ABC asks the final question.  “Mr., I mean President Biden, what is your next order of business?”  “Well,” Biden says, “I plan to find Rahm and Axelrod, those funny guys,  then head home on the train to see my beautiful wife, Jill. As far as the rest of the week, well, it’s Friday, f**k take the week-end off guys.  See you all next week.”

That evening, Joe calls Obama and leaves a message on his cell, “Hey Barack, where did you put the presidential manual?  Hey Barack, call me.” Then he dials George Bush’s number….